I've always been a little self conscious of the camera, always preferring to be behind it. These days, though, I avoid having my photo taken like the plague. I'm not sure if it comes with age, post-pregnancy and/or simply being a harried mother, but these days I'm constantly worrying about the pudgy bits (the leftover weight from pregnancy, and eating like a horse while breastfeeding) and the greasy hair speckled with greys (because I haven't had a chance to get to the hairdresser, nor have a shower that day!)
Ashley over at Piper & Poppies alerted me to this poignant article, 'The Mom Stays in the Picture' by Allison Tate. To all the Mamas out there, please read it.
"Someday I won't be here -- and I don't know if that someday is tomorrow or thirty or forty or fifty years from now -- but I want them to have pictures of me. I want them to see the way I looked at them, see how much I loved them. I am not perfect to look at and I am not perfect to love, but I am perfectly their mother."
I cried when I read the article. Allison's words (and Ashley's words) touched me to my core.
I've finally realised - I'm never going to be super slim, or have the perfect hair, or have a different nose, but Everly will love looking at pictures of her young and beautiful Mama (even though I may have felt far from young and beautiful at the time).
The photos above are some of the only photos I have of Everly and I together when she was a baby. (Update: I also found some more that I posted here and here.) I was suffering from postnatal depression and post traumatic stress disorder, so putting on a smiling face was difficult at the best of times. But I look at these photos now and all I see is love. Pure love for this little being who came into my life, turned it upside down, and who I love like no other. And in twenty year's time, when Everly is flicking through an old photo album, I hope that's what she'll see, too.
The past couple of months I've been thinking about organising a family shoot near Everly's second birthday in June. Just us three. Before we become four. I am not pregnant, nor planning to be - I just think it would be lovely to capture our little family of three as we are now, before it expands in a few year's time. Nothing posed, just someone following us around doing our daily thing. Maybe, even, (crossing fingers) with this guy. Reading Allison's words tonight, I've decided it's going to happen.
So, I've added a new challenge to 2013 and the many years ahead - get in the picture!
* Everly (3.5 months) and I (photo by Victoria Berekmeri Photography)
* Mark and I, Day 5 as new parents